Memories of the Past#
Three-quarters of the year have passed; what have I been busy with? Overall, it feels quite fulfilling. Looking through my photo album, it seems like in January I was busy with the New Year and doing quant work, in February I casually participated in the Aptos hackathon in Hong Kong, didn't accomplish much, but did meet some friends; in March, I took on an agricultural outsourcing project while also preparing for a trip to Taiwan, and I spoke about the combination of organic agriculture and blockchain at ETHHanzhou; at the beginning of April, I went to Taiwan, participated in an event and a hackathon, and in some ways, I won a prize for coding solo. Mid-month, I started working on a project in Shenzhen, and by the end of the month, I took my mom to Japan; in May, I rushed back to finish my thesis, wrapped up the agricultural project, migrated the LXDAO server, and successfully defended my thesis while accompanying my grandpa and mom on outings in Beijing. To make use of the membership card I had charged earlier, I was boxing almost every day; at the beginning of June, after organizing an event, I rushed back to Shenzhen to wrap up the project there, missed the graduation ceremony, but fortunately, my photo editing skills are decent; at the beginning of July, I returned to Beijing, focused on the quant project's official website, later wrapped up the LXScale website proposal from April at LXDAO, took a day and a half to improve the agricultural outsourcing project according to the client's needs, and spent the rest of the time developing AskDolly. By the end of the month, I couldn't stand the weather in Shenzhen anymore and went home, helping my grandpa with his memoirs. At the beginning of August, I first went to Guangzhou and Changsha with friends, almost shattered my digital nomad dream due to heatstroke. After returning to Shenzhen, the team discussed and decided to switch to remote work; indeed, if I wasn't allowed to work remotely, my mental state would be unsustainable. AskDolly basically entered the operational maintenance phase, and in the second week, I came to Beijing to stay in touch with the team, but now it seems this is quite costly, especially during holidays, with round-trip flight costs at least 2000 and accommodation costs at 300 per day, totaling over 4000, haha. Of course, every month is interspersed with various operational tasks in LXDAO, and after July, the maintenance work for the agricultural outsourcing project gradually increased. Overall, it has been quite fulfilling, but on the other hand, it feels a bit chaotic. After graduation, it seems I suddenly lost my main task, and the useful student identity is gone, making visa applications a hassle again. My physical condition has been deteriorating since the breakup last year, with my weight continuously rising, mainly because I've been eating too well, but recently I feel my appetite has decreased; I can barely finish half a bowl of noodles and feel full. But why isn't the weight going down?? My mental state seems okay but is gradually worsening. I have experienced shortness of breath, but it gets better after taking medication for a while. Yesterday, I had a bit of an episode because I was too focused on reading articles, so I need to control the frequency of taking medication. On one hand, I want to isolate myself for a while to regain energy, but on the other hand, I start to doubt if I'm too lonely when I feel anxious, which is quite contradictory and surprising to myself. My habit of binge-watching short videos has become more severe as I've become increasingly idle these days, but I also resist memorizing vocabulary, feeling that it brings too much frustration, and memorizing so much won't be useful. I particularly want to live alone, yet I understand that this doesn't solve the problem; it's an escape, just like most of the time, escaping while suffering. Now, in a hotel room in Beijing, my throat is itchy, my body feels weak, and I have had thoughts about going out to exercise, but when I think about taking a taxi there and back, I lose the motivation. Life without an electric bike is truly painful for me; the electric bike is really a part of my body.
Looking to the Future#
From the events perspective, there should be Token2049 in Singapore in September, and Osaka will have the World Expo in October, so if I go in September, I can also participate in EDCON, but EDCON is honestly not that interesting. In November, there’s DEVCON in Argentina; I managed to get a student discount but am still a bit hesitant. To be honest, the place I most want to go is Argentina, and I can play a bit while I'm there. But to go to Argentina, I need to apply for a US visa, and to apply for a US visa, I need to show financial statements... Okay, I just asked, and if it's just a tourist visa, the financial statement might not be such a big issue. Let's see, first get the visa sorted, then decide whether to go or not. In terms of personal growth, what I urgently want now is to lose weight and improve my English skills. To achieve this goal, I urgently need a stable environment, which is also a major factor influencing whether I should go out. I have about two to three years of experience participating in activities outside, and while I can't say there has been no progress at all, I really can't reach the level of freely communicating with people. As someone who wants to take an international route, I feel this state is very unfavorable and a loss; I think I should take some time to settle down. I also bought a Pocket 3 neck holder, and when I go home or to my hometown, I plan to learn cooking with my grandmothers and record it to save on my hard drive, starting from buying groceries, documenting it to pass down my family's recipes. Sometimes I also consider whether to study abroad again or maintain a student background; if I want to take an international route, the recognition of domestic degrees in the international market doesn't seem ideal. I believe a degree is a safety net, but studying abroad is somewhat costly, and I'm also considering the very affordable OMSCS Online Master's program, but this school is ranked over a hundred in QS, and I'm a bit worried about its recognition. Anyway, I need to improve my English.
Self-Awareness#
Currently, my mental state makes me a bit embarrassed to call myself a digital nomad; I hope the place I live can be a bit more stable, and occasionally being able to travel might suit me better. Or if I achieve some success in fitness and English, I could lower my requirements for stability, because right now, I really can't stand being overweight, and my English level is hindering my personal development; not being able to communicate fluently with others when I go out is not the image I aspire to. In terms of technical development, the main focus is on JS full-stack, with Python as a supplement, and Rust... honestly, I feel quite awkward; besides the quant system, I don't have much opportunity to write Rust, so I might look for some open-source Rust projects to contribute to, as I feel like if I don't write, I'll forget it. The industry I’m in is primarily web3, and the resource accumulation is also in the web3 sector, basically revolving around LXDAO. In the niche track, I choose AI + Web3, as it's ultimately a hot topic of this era. I really don't like working for others; I prioritize doing things I recognize and can be my own boss, but sometimes I also want to learn some techniques from the factory; theoretically, I could solve this by making more friends in the factory and communicating more.
Random Thoughts#
I'm very grateful that after the college entrance examination, I came to Beijing. Although summer can't compare to Yunnan, I can tolerate not using air conditioning indoors and just drink some ice water; it's less humid than Yunnan and not as damp as Shenzhen. In winter, there's heating; in short, the flaws don't overshadow the positives, and it's still quite good. I really can't stand the two months I've spent in Shenzhen; it's just too humid, and there's no heating in winter. I should be a J person; I really want to set a daily plan to make my life fulfilling, but I've never succeeded. I've reflected on this in the past few days, and I realized that the margin for error in the plans I set for myself is too small, or the robustness is too poor. Previous plans were slow-paced, without any tasks that could be optional, and even a little interference in practice could lead to failure, which is very frustrating and hard to maintain. I still need to add more self-care activities, like taking care of my younger siblings, walking with family, and cooking. Overall, my mental and physical health is still the priority; I don't have any survival pressure, so I want to live in a way that I like, staying clear-headed for a few more years. Outputting externally is also a good habit; it can create value and document my growth. "Who writes a diary seriously?" completely exposes one's thoughts and is not a good idea. I remember writing a similar journal in 2022 and even bought a server to create a WordPress site... Goodness, back then I was still writing Go and not much front-end. Time flies.